


:/

by whitepansy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bad Thoughts, Gen, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 20:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3353828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitepansy/pseuds/whitepansy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>have you ever needed a hug from someone, but nobody's the right person?</p>
            </blockquote>





	:/

**Author's Note:**

> ah yes. this is it. this is the one. the character onto whom i will project my insecurities and doubts. he's perfect

Kozume Kenma walked as quickly as he could to his room without drawing unwanted attention to himself by his parents.

 _Why_ , was all he could think. _Why me?_

Today had been perfectly fine. It had been going great, really. No bad grades, no teasing from peers, no reason for anxiety. He had no business feeling bad at all.

_So why did he feel so shitty?_

Placing his backpack down, he sat down on his bed and took deep breaths. He closed his eyes, counting in his head to ten, then counting backwards from ten, then forwards _again_ because it wasn't working, it wasn't fucking working, his hands were still shaking and he was moments from crying for no damn reason.

It had started towards the last period. Kenma had started feeling upset even though nothing was wrong. _Nothing was wrong_ , he kept telling himself, _nothing was wrong, nothing was wrong._

But something was obviously wrong, as he clung to his bedsheets as though they were a lifeline and had to will himself not to run over to the nearest high-placed window and jump.

The thought of maybe texting Kuroo popped in his head, but quickly disappeared because he didn't want to talk to anyone right now, even though he did at the same time,

His throat tightened as his thoughts clashed, his nails pressed into his palms before _ow, that hurt, but maybe I deserve it,_

His breaths were fast and shallow through his nose, unable to breathe deeply because of how his chest contricted, there was a lump in the bottom of his throat and he  _couldn't even breathe right, what a fuckup, what a failure,_

His chest tightened more, if that was even possible, and he felt his eyes burn and his face heat up, and he clenched his teeth, squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will the tears to stop before they started, but unable to rub his eyes in the fear that if he let go of his bed he'd float away or cease to exist. 

He wheezed out a breath, still clenching his teeth, he couldn't breathe in, he couldn't do anything but curl in on himself, sob quietly enough to not worry his parents. 

Feeling his phone buzz in his pocket, he was momentarily snapped out of the spell, some of the anxiety that had been feeding off of itself going away. He slowly removed his hand from the sheet to take the phone out, and, unable to find the energy to check it, dropped it at the foot of his bed and kicked it away. 

Taking a full breath, it was quick forced out by a sob, the hand that wasn't still clinging to his sheet flying to his mouth and he cursed to himself, shallowing his breathing again. 

The moment his phone stopped buzzing, it started again; someone was calling him. But he didn't want to deal with people, he didn't want to talk with anyone, no one could comfort him correctly, no one did it right, so he didn't want anyone near him. 

He wrapped his free arm around himself, then his other joined and he hugged himself, his legs coming up onto the edge of his bed, he let it out, he cried and sobbed until he couldn't anymore.

He cried until he hiccupped and his breathing leveled out and the lump in his throat was gone, but the feeling in his chest, the aching tightness didn't leave. He sat in silence until his mother called to him to tell him that dinner was ready, and he wiped at his face until he assumed he looked fine, _normal_ , like he hadn't just had an anxiety attack over absolutely nothing. Life was exhausting.

**Author's Note:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
